Haphazard mind

Its been a long time since i wrote something.
I open my notebook and think ill finally start on something...
but my thoughts keep wandering...wandering...

I think of the sea and am yearning to listen to the sound of the sea... the sea birds singing and the breeze rushing on my face... i want to feel all of that.. i want to feel the sand under my feet slippery and yet so nice....

again my thoughts wander.... i feel like as though m in the middle of the sea...

surrounded by water and nothing but water... worse i cannot find anything or anyone around me to hold on to... i am trying to swim but i dont know to swim... i am trying to breathe but i can feel the currents pulling me...

i am struggling for breath ... i am trying to think.... think calm , breathe in and out, slowly but steady... but none of these thoughts are reassuring me... i feel lost...

i am loosing it now.. i know it but i am a survivor .. i dont want to give in yet...i am stubborn... i want to fight till my last breath knowing full well that nothing rest's in mind hands anymore....

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